Are You Pretty Enough?

“I see so many looking for validity, that’s the wrong search if what’s lost is dignity” – Joe Budden; rapper

How many likes did your last IG picture have? How many selfies did you take to get that perfect one? What woman did you see with your hairstyle before you got it? What does your ex boyfriend new girl look like? Are you pretty enough? Are you sexy enough? Do you ask yourself these questions too much? More than likely you do!

This week the hot topic has been the Kim Kardashian naked pictures for Paper magazine… of course everybody has an opinion. The two most disappointing things about it is that she showed that this is a generation of controlled minds because she hashtagged #BreakTheInternet when she uploaded the pictures and the internet proceeded to discuss them nonstop for 48 hours like we haven’t seen her sextape and like 30 celebrity nude photos didn’t hit the internet in one week a month ago. Secondly it shows that beauty is more important than life in this generation as it will forever get more tweets than Ferguson. But the pressure is more on women than anything and no one is really focusing on how demoralizing it is to them.

I’m not a feminist or a blind man that doesn’t enjoy the female body so I’m not opposed or as judgmental when it comes to nudity, but I understand diversity. Like I feel Beyoncé and Jessica Biel are both tremendously attractive. Jennifer Aniston and Sanaa Lathan. My point is too much these days women are trying, at their detriment, to fit a mold of what all men supposedly want.  But as unrealistic is that is if you get enough tweets from males about this woman, this type of woman, or this body part of a woman… women believe they need that. It becomes programmed into their thinking. So the slim woman feels like she needs this “fat ass”. The brown skin woman feels she needs to be light skin with long hair so she perfects her make up and filter combinations. This contemporary woman feels she needs to wear short shorts or skirts and show off her legs and half of her butt. This well dressed sexy woman feels she needs to be naked sexy. The girl with the “fat ass” feels she has to be bent over in every picture or avi. All of this just creates insecurity and misdirected focus. Honestly most men like what they think other men want too so it’s a dangerous cycle. The expectations become unreachable.

You then add in the companionship façade equation. These women with the “fat asses” and no clothes on become the ones always “with” a man. Always taking the exotic trips. Always getting their bills paid. Getting all the retweets and followers. Always getting the husband, kids, divorces, and loads of child support because of the façade of what is an attractive woman they created. All because of how she looked and how much of those looks she nurtured and exposed, in essence, is why men wanted her so bad. To a woman who has been trying to find herself, and find love, and has little guidance from a good father or father figure, this is what she sees. She doesn’t focus on the fact that these females are losing as many men as they are getting because they only see that they are getting opportunity after opportunity to stand next to a man while she being regular and not being naked up and down social media can’t garner that same attention.

I see all of this and I sympathize with it. I also realize how unattractive to me a woman that thinks just being typical attractive is. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” of course but beauty to me is more than looks. I wish more females realized that men out there that feel this way are the ones that really want the woman over the trophy. A woman can be sexier to me in hospital scrubs and glasses than in a club outfit because not only is her body in tact, her mind is also. Her focus is. Her ambition is. Her comfort with herself appears to be in tact. That’s attractive to me. Can you hold a conversation? Can you educate me on things? Can you still interest me after sex? Does your life revolve around gossip? Can you properly take care of home? Do you prioritize family over “fun”? Do you work hard? These questions normally go unanswered today because they go unasked, all that seems to matter, and at a growing rate, is are you pretty enough? Do you dress sexy enough? Is your ass fat enough? Media pushes it, social media adapts to it, women sacrifice far too much for it! Kim Kardashian has been married three times with that same body. Halle Berry has been married multiple times with the same body and face. Beyonce’s high school sweetheart dumped her. The regular lady, my grandma who is beautiful inside and out, has been married over 30 years. It’s more than what meets the eye and no one rule for beauty will always apply.

I would teach my daughter that your beauty isn’t based off of if everybody wants you or if your body is made for a magazine, your beauty is based on your heart, your intelligence, and your confidence. Your body is a work of art but the most revered art pieces are the ones that most people can't get. Be comfortable with knowing you're beautiful so you don't have show off your nakedness for validation. I’m not oblivious to the fact that every one wants to be physically attractive but don’t let that be your calling card or your downfall because every attractive woman with nothing else but a man will eventually be an attractive woman with nothing else. Don’t worry about being pretty enough for every man, be woman enough to attract the right man, a good man, and to keep your identity when you’re with that man.

Just My Thoughts