So I have been putting off this particular blog topic for a while because I needed the right inspiration, time, and clear thinking to properly express myself on it. Today, as I'm headed back home I got that inspiration. Pulling in to a gas station I witnessed a cardinal sin, in my opinion. I witnessed a young woman, seeming to be around 25, pumping her gas as, what appeared to be her boyfriend, sat in the passenger seat! Now immediately I'm sure some of you are thinking, "That could be her brother". This would be possible but the way he had his arm around her seat or shoulder area just painted the picture of him being her mate, so that's what i'm going with. Back to the topic. To me, this is unacceptable. I'm just of the mindset that if you're in the car with your girl and she stops to get gas, the man pumps it. Anybody agree? That's a "gender role" to me.
Daily on twitter people redundantly ask questions about what a man should do or what a woman should do and to me it normally can be described as basic gender roles. I touched on it somewhat in a past blog but let's really get into it. Should gender roles exist? I think so. But in recent memory, masculinity in men have slowly, but surely dissipated! The genesis of this can go back as far as the 1980's but I don't wanna go THAT deep into it. I mean, this is a blog, not a book! But let's just look at the last 5 years in what I would consider "pop culture". There's a growing conflict between traditionalists, millennials, and feminists. Let me say as a disclaimer, that will surely go overlooked by some, I don't have an issue with the ideal of feminism. But I don't agree with everything they consider oppression or oppressive. But I don't have to. My right to have an open mind and disagree doesn't supersede their right to be offended and active. I never want to dismiss the plight women have experienced here. But again, I don't have to always agree.
The main reason I believe the discrepancy in gender roles exist is because men have become less and less inclined to be what I consider a man to be. Because of this women have subsequently been forced to adjust for survival. For example, a "strong black woman" doesn't need a man to take care of her in the traditional sense that our grandparents may have coexisted. So much so that expecting a woman naturally to do the majority of the cooking and cleaning now has become offensive to some. A lot of men now think women should split all household bills, including rent, regardless of the difference in income. There's no right or wrong answer, this is all a matter of preference, but i have to believe that the clearly defined or implied gender roles of yester-generation contributed to the longevity in those relationships vs the microwave era of relationships today. Expectations back then were so concrete that it eliminated confusion, and where there's less confusion there's more success.
Me, personally, I'm all for gender roles. If a man enjoys cooking and his woman doesn't then of course there's nothing wrong with that compromise but it shouldn't be frowned upon if a man prefers his wife to do more domestic duties. I don't think a woman should pump her gas if her boyfriend or husband is in the car and capable. I don't think women should pay for dates unless it's a special occasion that she wants to. I don't think a man should have to do the laundry regularly. I don't think a woman should have to take our her trash or get her car cleaned or serviced regularly. I think we've gotten so competitive with our mates when that's who you're supposed to be one with, not at odds with! Nobody wants to be perceived as doing more, or giving more, so we do less and give less and our mates go unsatisfied. Resentment sets in, that grows into spite, which then becomes neglect on both sides. Now exit strategies are being formed.
I love the movie Casino. So many life lessons in that movie. Sam Rothstein was a man of many things but what stood out the most to me was his principles. One of the main lessons I learned was that choosing the wrong mate is very costly. Was Sam perfect? No! Did Sam know of Ginger's past and current hustler mentality when he married her? Yes. Which is why he clearly chose the wrong woman. She had no interest in domesticated life. She didn't want to "take care of home". She loved the game. She also loved her ex. And she loved being Ginger more than anything. Not Mrs. Rothstein. I say that to say, don't give it all to someone who isn't giving you what you need. But in a mutually beneficial and satisfying relationship both parties have to play their role. Whatever that role may be. Most of those roles will be gender specific. Embrace them. Talk to your mate about them. Find the compromise on what works for the two of you. Then thrive in them. Oppression is real but I don't want preference to be confused with said oppression. We're the Generation of the Overly Offended in a lot of cases!
In conclusion, relationship or not, gender roles exist and there's nothing I love more than being a man and embracing certain responsibilities that come with being a man. So the next time I'm walking in a door and a lady is in front or behind me, I'm holding that door. Because that's what a man should do!
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