Let's Get Married

“I got a ‘Love Jones’, for your body and your skin tone, five minutes alone and I’m already on the bone, plus I love the fact you got a mind of your own, no need to shop around you got the good stuff at home” – Method Man; Rapper, Actor

I’m always in constant thought about what will help us get better? What’s the cure? Cure for what? Cure for the regression of Black America. Black Lives Matter is such a brilliant name to be out front of a movement to progress Black America to equality. Not supremacy. Equality. While I’m sure they have a full plate, I often wonder how effective Black Lives Matter could be with viable branches. I pose this question because contrary to popular belief, while not minimizing its catastrophic effects, cops killing unarmed black men isn’t our biggest problem. It’s not the murder weapon to our extermination. Our oppression. Or even our depression.

I don’t have all the answers but I have some of the dominoes. I think a lot of things have been systematically put in place to cripple Black America, but most of them come back to a fundamental war tactic, divide and conquer. What more effective divide than dividing us at home?

If you check the stats, black women are the least married demographic. Black married couples are the highest divorced demographic. If you check network television, there’s one black married woman on primetime. I know television is fictional, but art imitates life. As a 28 year old, I speak with a lot of people daily in this world of mass communication that we live, and the most disappointing part is how few of them want to get married. So many people have been hurt, maybe once, or they constantly see so many images and acts of betrayal that having a family has been removed from the “American Dream”. Scratch that, from the “{Black} American Dream”. Without going into his actual politics, this is one of, if not the number one, the most inspiring impressions President Obama and his lovely wife Michelle and kids left on me. That, THAT, should be apart of our dream.

This is why marriage is important in the black community, because what you practice at home is what you’ll consciously and unconsciously do once you leave your house. Unity was the number one weapon in the effectiveness of the Civil Rights Movement. It’s not even close. No matter which group or leader you credit the most champion the most, be it Martin, Malcolm, Marcus, Fred, or other, their power came from the army of loyal followers behind them. An example for modern day times would be “The Beyhive”. Stay with me. I know everyone isn’t a die-hard Beyoncé fan, I am, that’s my aunt and Jay Z is my uncle who taught me everything my parents didn’t, but have you ever seen what happens to anyone on twitter that speaks ill of Beyoncé? Her dedicated militia of followers “get in formation” in the hundreds of thousands to defend her honor. While on an entirely different spectrum of sacrifice and importance, my point is, there’s strength in numbers. There’s strength in unity. There’s strength in unwavering support. There’s strength in love. Those are all the underlying proponents of marriage. We have to get back to getting married and staying married. A loving couple provides balance in a world of dysfunction. It provides balance of influence on a generation of kids that have more information, true and incorrect, at their disposal than ever before. Children have age requirements on a lot of things because they haven’t had enough experience or brain development to know how to reason in the real world. By never showing them HOW to love and that love is NEEDED in the household we leave their brains undeveloped even into their adult years. By not prioritizing marriage we leave a trail of single parent homes that have been proven to be a perpetuator of poverty. We have to get back to loving each other fully. Too many of us have lives that resemble love and hip-hop and not Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv.

On a personal level, separate from the social level, I think we were put here primarily to love. All of us. That’s the true happiness in life. Can you be happy and single? Yes. Can you be fulfilled and single? I don’t think so. So many different things happen in this life that nobody should have to go thru alone. Not even the good things. I don’t want all the money in the world. But I do want to make exceptional money to live a comfortable life with luxuries. The main luxury to me is time. Affording the time to do and see certain places and things… I don’t want to do that alone. I don’t think being rich is better than being in love mutually. I know people with millions that still long for companionship. If I became a billionaire and never found a wife to live for and die with I’d ultimately feel like I wasted time. Being the richest person shouldn’t be the goal for everyone. We have to change our priority. We have to change our future. We have to change our hearts. We have to change our division. We have to change our children.

Miss Black America

Miss Black America
Can I talk to you?
Tell me where you're going
Can I walk with you?
It appears this cold world has been hard on you
Let me soften you
No matter how often
Or how little
Let me be a wall for you
To protect you from intruders
And Misusers
The Liars and abusers
I'll be your shield as you maneuver
Your slave baby, just use me


Miss Black America
Can you excuse my plans
Erotic at times
Maybe you should tie my hands
Maybe you should punish me
Let my portal be your pedestal
Your rhythmic waist movements is a love potion
The curve of your hips never go unnoticed
The delicacy of your lips often mimic the deepest ocean
Chocolate syrup between your 9 to 5
Like its my job to clock in between your supple thighs

Miss Black America
How dare anyone neglect your intellect
So much knowledge between the perimeters
East and west
Those perimeters provide you tools to absorb the sounds
I'm speaking of your brain
And how its filled with the Paramount
Of Pictures, the true vision of the creator
You were pulled from the rib of man
Your touch so seductive
So much power lie in the palm of your hands
So much peace you can bring to the perfect man
So much balance you bring
The only star I wish to understand

Miss Black America
Love of my life, Miss Black America
I wish I could get lost in your heart
That love is what we lack, America
That Pain you've survived for being Miss Black America
I know it's a lot
But it makes you the love of my life
Miss Black America

The art of falling back and taking care of YOU

The popular phrase "falling back" has always been tied to dating and relationships. It always seems to fit in when the person of your interest is not reciprocating your efforts the way you need them to. They could be playing games or maybe not as interested as you thought they were. But either way we decide (early on or even when its too late) that we need to fall back.

Urban dictionary gives us plenty of definitions and examples but the overall feel is to lose interest, stop caring and let someone "do them". 

In another light fall back can mean for someone to chill out, relax and think about their next actions before they actually do them. 

So whether you like the first definition or the second, does it apply somewhere in your life? Not just in relationships. Life nowadays seems like it can get pretty busy for me between working two jobs, trying to finish school, trying to maintain a social life and working on my dreams. Sound familiar? Even with all this I have found several ways to master the art of falling back and taking care of whats important, me.

Listed are a few tips to help you do the same; if you have any input on what you do to maintain drop them below in the comments section :) 

1. Unplug from social media. 

Gone are the days when we wouldnt know our friends business unless they told us, or someone else spilled the tea. But today you can log onto any social media platform and see everything from what they had for breakfast to what their kids are wearing to school that day. Social media, in my mind, becomes the land of comparing. And that can be dangerous. Your life is your own path, but that road can get hazy when you have flooding images of partying, vacation photos, weddings, and numerous other things. We get sucked into the thoughts of "I dont have those things" or "they sure are happy" but we tend to forget people don't often display the bad. 

When social media becomes overwhelming, and it does, its ok to log off. Scientific studies have shown that excessive use of certain social media platforms can have a vast effect on your daily mood, sometimes even your health. Depression and mood swings have been linked to longterm use of social media. I recently wrote a research paper on it for a critical thinking class I took. Taking a day or two to not log in may actually be just what the "Doctor" prescribes for you to get you back to being YOU. 

2. Find a new hobby. 

Hobbies are those little things that we love to do but sometimes we get too busy "adult-ing" to actually do. Recently Ive gotten back to finding new things to do or revisiting old favorite past times of mine. Reading, writing and dancing are a few of mine. I started reading again and actually taking time out of my schedule to find new books to get lost in. Getting back into writing has been the best escape for me. Maybe you aren't into writing or reading and prefer something more active or hands on. Groupon and Living Social offer great deals to try something new. Trying something new may spark an interest in a hobby you never knew you had. Recently I  tried a dance class with some friends and we had the best time. 

3. Developing healthy lifestyle changes. 

Eat right and exercise. Sounds simple right? Gets preached to us often, right? Between the supplements, new superfoods and the influx of Instagram models pushing waist shapers and flat tummy teas it can get to be a bit much. For me at least. But recently I got with one of the best trainers in Atlanta, IamtherealDP and its had a positive impact on my life. Ive adopted a better way to eat and dine out. Ive also joined his group fitness sessions. My early mornings that include the gym help me have a better mood and a jumpstart on my day. Im not preaching fitness but swapping out candy for fruit, or even joining a social dance/workout class can help you to burn a few calories and even help improve your mood. Increasing your heart rate increases blood flow which in exchange helps your body function better. Simple changes can have you looking better. And when you look better you feel better. 

4. Removing the toxic people/things from you life.

Mary said it best when she was hitting those signature moves and telling us "dont need no hateration, no holleratin in this dance for me". (Literally had to Google because I just mumble the last part when I sing along). But all jokes aside its easy to get caught up in stress and drama. Whether its from work, family, friends or internal. It can be draining and really bring you down. Music really helps me. I literally have to stop some days and throw on some Solange or Jhene and breathe. Breathing can be therapeutic, why do you think your Apple watch tells you to take a few minutes and breathe throughout the day? Because it works. And it may not be that simple. Some days I need to walk, pray or even shut my phone off for a few. I recently recognized the hidden gems of ignoring the stresses of life and making sure Im happy and healthy. Ive made some changes in the relationships I choose. My friends list may have had some reductions, on Facebook and in real life. And work is work, 9-5 and then Im done. I don't take it home with me. I have developed a method of keeping my feet up and my headphones readily available at my desk. Does wonders for my mood and when I need to tune people out. There are so many things that you can do. Meditation apps, coloring apps and even apps that coach you on breathing. Fitting a way to improve your mental health on a daily basis can really help you focus on whats important, YOU. 

5. S O L I T U D E. 

It may not work for everybody but it definitely works for me. And sometimes its necessary to get your thoughts and feelings together. I get lost in those moments for hours, sometimes days and weeks if need be. My friends sometimes hit me like "what have you been doing?" or "where have you been?" And I cant come up with an answer. Ive either been under the covers binge watching a tv series or catching a movie or trying a new restaurant by myself. I know people that refuse to eat alone, but I enjoy it. If you never spend time with yourself do you know what you really need? Honestly it may not work for you and I do enjoy my friends and family time, but there is something so magical about "me time". Its like investing in yourself. Getting your nails done, hair cut or done at the salon, and going for a facial; are just some of the ways you can enjoy yourself without a crowd. Doesn't hurt to try it! 

Its so easy to be consumed by the things that surround us, but are you taking care of you? These are just some simple things that I do to make sure Im taken care of. There are so many things that you can do and may already do. Dont be afraid to be selfish with your time, fall back and take care of you! 

Drop what you do (in the comments) to take care of yourself. 

Back to Black

“And it’s much bigger issues in the world, I know, but I first had to take care of the world I know!” Jay Z; Rapper, Businessman, Mogul

Trump Won. The majority (Hillary won the majority vote) of the country is still in shock. I’m not. Majority of the country is distraught; I’m not! Majority of the country is scared; you get the picture. My life’s mantra is “Don’t Complain, Adjust!”. I really live that. But not everyone has that mentality. Complaining has a negative connotation so I’ll say most people are way more concerned than I am, and are voicing that concern. Right now though, I want to speak to my people. Black people. Black America is coming off of Barack Obama. Our biggest symbol of hope, nationwide, since Martin Luther King. President Barack Obama and his beautiful family exemplified everything Black Men, Black Women, Black Families, and Black love is, could be, and dare I say should be! That’s a high bar but that’s why God gave us wingspan. So most of my people feel like this is going to be a 50 year relapse. I can definitely understand why that sentiment seems plausible but the truth of the matter is, that won’t happen. But action needs to be taken Black America, and it needs to start now.

“The jewel is in the perspective, not the other way around”. That’s one of my favorite quotes. To me it means that the gift is being able to look at the same things as most people, but look at it differently. That’s how I look at segregation. Segregation was a horrible practice in this country. A product of racism and oppression but in jest, it’s not a bad practice. The reason behind it was the problem. I named this “Back to Black” because I feel like black people have to get back to caring about black people. About loving black people. About protecting black people. EDUCATING black people!! As a disclaimer I have to say that this isn’t about hating white people or any other ethnicities or about thinking that all white people are racists or against us, but you have to “take care of home first”. When PBS aired their Black Panther Party documentary earlier this year the most profound thing that resonated with me is that whenever this country saw black unity, it saw a threat. Whenever this country saw blacks being educated and self-sufficient, it saw a threat. “This country” being the powers that be. I don’t think anyone with an ounce of knowledge and integrity could deny that black systematic oppression has always existed here, even today, but I want to be very clear. The Black Panther Party wasn’t without rogue members, I doubt any organization with great volume and influence is, but what the Black Panther Party was and stood for, wasn’t what “this country” portrayed them as. No surprise there. The Black Panther Party at its core was about unity, protection, accountability, and education. Every leader in that organization had the fate of a bullet in the head, prison, or exile. Similar to Nation of Islam. In my humble opinion, the Black Panther Party was criminalized, and ultimately dismantled, because it cared more about black progression than it cared about capitalism. Capitalism isn’t the issue but we know in this country capitalism is a motivator for crime. Amongst all races and creeds. For anyone who dares to disagree with why the Black Panther Party was tactfully dismantled, tell me, were they a bigger crime threat than the Bloods and the Crips? Or any other street gang? Why was this country able to so effectively and swiftly take down the Panthers but still haven’t figured out how to reduce or eliminate the murders in Chicago that rise like the stock market? I’ll tell you why, because the Black Panther Party was educating and unifying black people; The Bloods and Crips are killing people. Could Beverly Hills ever look like the south side of Chicago? No chance in Hell. I say all that to say, our greatest strength is our unity.

If you’re black and concerned about the potential threats that have arisen with Trump becoming president, your task is simple, it’s time to go to work. It’s time to punch those time clocks and stop swiping those credit cards. It’s time to save 30% out of every paycheck (Start at 10% and work your way up) and get off government assistance slowly. It’s time to start community programs to teach kids the importance of literacy and stop depending on schools with predicated curriculums. Time to start reading up on true taxes instead of just child allowance credits. Time to read up on investing. I suggested to my own extended family (which consists of 11 adults and 11 kids) that we should start a “Family rainy day fund” where all the adults deposit $15-$20 monthly. So if anyone hits a tough stretch down the line and needs a light bill or two paid, it comes from the rainy day fund and God willing it doesn’t happen so it just builds up and eventually a portion can be used for family vacations. Start a book club amongst your family and friends where every reads non-fiction books on finances, history, politics, etc. The more information, the better. It's time to save up and buy the convenient stores in our neighborhoods back. Learn who the city councilmen are and vote to get liquor stores and pawn shops off of every corner in black neighborhoods. Start growing our own food again. Who's going to become the nutritionist in the neighborhood? Who's going to open the juice bars? Who's going to reopen, do fundraising and outreach, and take on the task of reopening community centers? Who's going to fight for the grant money allocated in the city's budget for these programs but ultimately not being dispersed? It’s time for blacks in Corporate America to give back more than money to organizations. It’s time to give back time. It’s time to give back direction. We have to educate our people on the importance of getting into position in Corporate America. Not for status or envy, but for diversity and influence. Sharing your path with kids and parents who have no idea that so many industries exist, let alone how to break into them. Oppression is and has always been systematic.

The system isn’t broken; it’s working how it was designed to work. What we have to do is break it and rebuild it. The only way to change a system is from the inside out. In New Jack City, when “The Carter” got infiltrated they had to burn it down… it’s time to infiltrate the power structure. Not for vengeance or supremacy, but for balance and equality. It’s time to go to work.