WHY WE SHOULD CELEBRATE OUR SINGLE FRIENDS?!

As we age there are mile markers that we supposed to hit, or so we think. For women and men of a certain age society has told us that we are supposed to be at a highlighted point in our lives. Some of us hit those points on time and others of us are late to the party. But to be honest the thoughts of society haven’t changed since we were kids and are extremely outdated. As a 28-year-old woman, according to society, I should be married and have kids by now and I don’t. That isn’t my current plan or thought process. On the other hand, men at the same age aren’t held to those exact same standards. Society gives them an imaginary pass to hit that mile marker a little later in life or they get excused from it period.

Society’s rules are outdated (I repeat).

Unfortunately, people still think along those same lines.

When I originally thought about writing this post it came with a story. Recently this year I was asked to be in the wedding of a lifelong friend. I was thrilled and excited to be a part of her story, especially since I been there for her throughout her relationship. I was thrilled to be there for her just as I had been there for her through birthdays, baby showers, baby dedications, and engagements. Pretty much every event leading up to the big day. As a friend that is what you are supposed to do, no arguments there.

Also recently I returned from my first deployment, where I accomplished some pretty great things (pats self on back) and our unit and the state of Georgia decided to honor us. A huge and pivotal moment in my military career. For this special night I decided to choose a dress, which I loved and had been eying for months. I wore this dress to our military ball and award ceremony and I received tons of compliments and I felt beautiful. This was a big night for me and one that would probably never occur again.

Of course I posted pictures to every social media site that I own and felt happy about the influx of likes and comments I received from friends and family. In addition to those my friend reached out to me to ask me about my dress and where I got it, it hadn’t even been 24 hours. Maybe it’s me, but I have never been a “Where did you get this?” person especially to my friends because everyone likes to have their own sense of style and feel one of a kind. Needless to say I gave up the info but I also had a conversation with my friend about not wearing the same exact dress that I wore for my big night to her wedding. She agreed with me, letting me know that she wouldn’t choose that dress and in fact she had her eye on something completely different.

Fast forward to a week ago and my dress has been dropped in a group chat for the wedding party. I saw it and didn’t say anything, but someone mentioned it to me. I knew how I felt and had heard opinions from other people. The plan was to ignore my feelings and proceed, but I had to say something. The girlfriend code had been broken. My friend had gone back on her word and I confronted her about. The conversation never included any type of remorse, it was simply that’s what we are wearing and deal with it. If you know me I’m not a “deal with it” type of person and I made my decision to not wear my dress again.

I mentioned this to a recently married friend of mine and she simply told me this is a special night for your friend.

That conversation made me realize how single women are viewed in society. The only special thing we have going for us is our birthdays, and it’s the same predictable thing every year. No one values our success in the other areas of our lives unless we’re shoving it on our Facebook timelines. A special night to me gets trumped because it is not that special day that ever woman dreams of since birth (exaggeration at its finest). Her telling me that made me think of an episode on Sex and The City where Carrie had gone to an event for a friend, celebrating the birth of a baby and her high end $400+ Manolo Blahniks were stolen. Carrie’s friend didn’t take ownership but simply blamed Carrie for leading this extravagant lifestyle that her friend could no longer afford due to her being a wife and a mother. In the end Carrie received her shoes, but she made a point. Women do not get celebrated or acknowledged after graduation. She had been there for a friend through baby showers, births, weddings and every time giving up her time and her money to buy a gift and her friend could not level the playing field just that one time.

The episode is priceless because it truly depicts how invaluable women become after a certain age if they are still single. How events in their lives aren’t special because society doesn’t deem them to be.

We should be celebrating our single friends! In a world where everyone is telling you your living your life wrong, directly or indirectly, I think it takes some courage to do what you want to do. Be single, be free and make strides in your career. There are other accomplishments that happen in life other than getting one year closer to retirement.

Learn to celebrate your single friends just as they celebrate you!

-Ingrid