Forgiveness Is The Key To Healing

"What you feel is important and expressing it is an important step toward healing yourself and someone else." -Iyanla Vanzant

So today I binged watched Iyanla Vanzant's Healing House. The shows we're dealing with the angry black woman stereotype that most black women in this country deals with. Our hurt and anger we project today is linked to things from the past that were never addressed.  I haven't went through all the things the ladies have been through but I could honestly see & feel their hurt. There were women on there that have been sexually abused as kids by men they trusted, abandoned by their fathers & mothers, hurt by boyfriends and husbands, and etc. One thing Iyanla made the ladies do were face these issues head on. These ladies had to admit that their current life and patterns are being dictated by past wounds they experienced as children. A lot of time we suppress thoughts & feelings because who wants to feel those icky things? Who wants to think about the things and people who caused the pain? Well today I can be honest... the first man to hurt me was my dad. My dad has been locked up for 17 years. The last time I saw him was when I was like 11. Even when he was out I hardly ever seen him. As a kid... me, my mom, & sister's experienced things I wouldn't wish on anyone. Plenty of times I wished that he would rescue me and save me from the abused I suffered from a man that claimed he loved me and my family.  I felt abandoned and hurt. I felt like he didn't love me. I wonder what was wrong with me. Him never being there for me created a void that I searched for other men to fill. I wanted them to love me enough not to leave and abandon me. I became needy and always seeking happiness from the man I was dating. I became so good at covering up emotions and hurt. Putting up with people treating me like shit. Moving on like my heart wasn't' hurting. Not showing emotions was a way of life for me. Being tough was needed because I didn't want to hurt anymore. Today though... admit that I'm tried. Tired of carrying around baggage that is weighing me down. I'm healing that little girl and I know the first step is forgiving my father & myself. The act of forgiveness opens up the doors of healing and I'm open to that healing as of today.   I truly believe in this journey I'm on. I know that it's not always positive energy and flowers. I know I have to go into the dark and shine light on the issues that need to be let go. I hope all that read this begin to analyze patterns of hurt & know that the pain a lot of times come from the child within that never got the healing they needed. Love You. 

Peace & Blessings,

Contessa