"I used to think about immature things... you know like... Do you love me? Do you want me? Are you gone call me like you said you would? Is this really your real phone number?"
A common and fatal mistake that we make everyday, is assuming that people know what we want. Assuming is a very flawed way to navigate your way through relations but in the case of dealing with someone who doesn't make their true intentions clear, you have to use some context clues. Today, I want to address this. A lot of women, for whatever reason, haven't learned to read a man's actions consistently and recognize what his plans for her really are. I regularly see question variations that essentially ask the same thing, "How do you know if he really likes you".
Sexual interactions have become a bloodsport. Not in that way, bring your minds back out of that filthy place. In a bloodsport, it's kill or be killed. In a lot of ways, that's the dating scene today. Both parties are essentially fighting to acquire or postpone sex. Although, contrary to popular belief, it's not always the man making the sexual advances first. I want to be very clear about that. There's a saying, "Men use love for sex and women use sex for love". Very very accurate depiction in my opinion. However, men typically read women better. {Insert outrage here}. Sorry, but it's true. There will be contrarians and proud pieces of... that will debate this and tell me how they, and women like them, get over on men everyday. I'm sorry to hear that. But back to my point. Men typically read women better. And women tend to also be more honest with their feelings. So I'm sure that plays a part. Men can see very early what type of woman they are dealing with and what she's interested in relationship wise. Men also take advantage of this inherent openness, which has led to a lot of women being intentionally colder and less open as a defense mechanism. But how can a woman that doesn't want to be cold or play games know if a man is really interested in her for more than just his next thrill? I'll tell you.
I put so much thought into deciding what's the one thing, first and foremost, that's a tell tale sign that he's really interested in you... a man that doesn't always tell you what you want to hear is probably the most interested in you in totality. What I mean is, when you're trying to gain the favor of someone, naturally, you're complimentary. You look at their strengths and you magnify those observations. Most women want to be told they're beautiful. Whatever compliments he gives you, he's giving it with the intent of making you feel good, whether genuine or disingenuous. But if you take time to have convos over however long with said man, you'll undoubtedly come to unpleasant ground. Or rather come to find things you don't like about each other. Not necessarily catastrophic things. But for example, a man who's been unfaithful in a relationship prior, isn't walking around with that on his business card. That's not the best resume piece when you're trying to attract a woman. Especially if that man is taking full or most of the responsibility for his infidelity. The vulnerability in revealing discretions show he's trying to be somewhat open to possibilities. Because he could easily lie, right? Another example is, if you're a woman who has a hard time maintaining friendships, and he points out YOUR part in those failures, when he has nothing to gain from it, he's trying to help you be a better person. If he just wanted your nectar, he's probably not going to care to have that disagreement. Last example, if you two aren't currently exclusive and he's honest about his other dealings, knowing you may leave him alone, he's probably trying to keep a clean slate.
Secondly, CONSIDERATION. A wise woman once told me, "when someone wants to be with you, you may have to ask them to do some things, but you won't have to ask to do everything". My beautiful grandma was that wise woman, and that has stuck with me for years since. To truly consider someone is to be unselfish. Being unselfish, no matter how unselfish you are, is unnatural. Our natural instinct is to worry about ourselves. Through training, or through love, is the only way we learn to be truly unselfish. Consideration can be displayed in a matter of ways, big or small. From a man calling to make sure you're awake because you needed to get up at a specific time and you struggle getting up early, or him making sure your son has a haircut as he's headed to the barber shop (some men don't do this for their own kids). It took me until my mid 20's to truly learn the importance of consideration. My mom was dating her long time boyfriend at the time and every Friday there would be frustration in her face and anger in her phone call. He'd forgotten to take the trash to the end of the road Thursday night, again! Very small, right? So I thought. Not to get too much into my mother's business but she didn't feel like she was being given the unselfish consideration she was giving. So something so small became a big thing. "He knows the trash man comes every Friday morning, and every Thursday when he leaves he doesn't even think to roll the trash can to the end of the road." At the time it was the craziest reason to have an argument to me. But, I eventually got it. That didn't mean he didn't love my mom, he was a great guy. But consideration has to be in you for you to really be into someone, in my opinion. When a man is unconsciously considering how he can lighten your load, he's really trying to be apart of your life. Not just apart of your bed. Is he letting you know his whereabouts and plans without you asking, just so you know? Is he being mindful of time management to prioritize "we time"? Not meaning he has to try to spend every waken minute with you or pick time with you over everything every time, but is he making sure to see you even when there's no plans of undressing? Is he?
Attentiveness. Men pay attention to things that intrigue them. Ask a Sports man who was the last noteworthy person his favorite team signed. Ask a car guy what's new about the 2017 car of his dreams. Ask a man did he know when his last relationship was coming to an end before it happened. So how attentive is he to what's going on with you? Attention has become the drug of choice for these modern day times, but being attentive is not always the same as giving you attention. You can be attentive to someone without ever looking at them physically. Attentiveness is more than the eyes can see and the hands can touch. Does he know what time you normally go to bed? Has he taken your care to get the oil changed without you asking him to? Does he normally send your good morning text around the time you're getting ready everyday? Him paying attention to your patterns that provide him with no gain, is a true test. Is he in tune with when you need encouragement? What about when you need a metaphorical kick in the but? Does he know when you just need him to listen? Being attentive is paying attention to where the holes are, and attempting to fill them.
Lastly, affection. Even the least affectionate man's affection level will increase if he's really trying to build with you. Affection isn't just kissing or the superficial PDA. Affection, true affection, is subtle. It's almost being done unknowingly. Is he rubbing your leg non-sexually as you all are watching tv? Has his affection become less since sex occurred? How full are his hugs now? These are all small giveaways.
Ladies, every man isn't looking to find forever. In fact, every woman isn't either. There's no shame in that. The shame to me only comes when you're dishonest about it. A lot of people have no hesitation to manipulate another to gain whatever their goal is. That's just the nature of society. You can't be perfect and catch them all, but the goal is to limit the accessibility to that manipulation. Paying close attention to what a man is truly giving you is essential. If none of the things above seem familiar in his pattern, he's just not that into you! If they are, he probably is trying his best to love you, let him!
