“You’re
totally disconnected from reality… Don’t believe in dreams… Since when did
black men become kings?” –Jay Z; Rapper, Mogul
January 1,
1863…. Was the beginning. On this day, President Abraham Lincoln issued the
Emancipation Proclamation. Extremist look at it as what abolished slavery.
Pessimists will gladly point out that it actually didn’t completely and that it
was nothing more than a strategic war tactic. To me, it simply was… the
beginning! It was the beginning of a marathon we still have yet to finish where
black men were to start being held in equal regard as all men in America.
It freed
between 3 and 4 million slaves and would be followed by the thirteenth
amendment in December 1865 that freed the rest. Quick history lesson to let you
know how deep these roots run. Sure, there were female slaves, and they faced
immeasurable pain at the hands of the slave trade, but no oppression
domestically measures up to that of the black man.
Fast forward
to 2014, a lot has changed but a lot has stayed the same also. For over 300 years if you were a black
man in America you metaphorically bore the mark of the beast. We have always
been looked at as unruly, uneducated, and underwhelming villains. The problem
is, in yester-century and the one before that, that opinion was only shared
amongst our Caucasian counterparts, now the disdain slaps us in the face, at
home. Not close to home, AT home! Today, our black women perpetuate that same
sentiment. Far be it for me to speak for every black man, but for me it hurts.
I asked a group of my well educated, established, and travelled black male
friends a question. “What do you think the single greatest struggle of a black
man in his life?”. While they all gave different perspectives and examples in
essence they all agreed that it’s finding his identity. Being good enough. Most
of us, myself included, struggle or have struggled with being good enough for
ourselves, our society, and lastly and most discreetly… our women. It’s a psychological
warfare that we try quietly coping with daily. Quietly because no woman wants a
“Complaining ass weak ass man”. In the midst of “reality” tv that paints all
black men as lying, cheating, deadbeat fathers and a social networking
phenomenon that make it far too easy to peek into the windows of a bad
relationship… who loves us?? In a country where black young men can be shot
down by citizens and police officers and those murderers be exonerated because
our very skin is threatening, who’s defending us?
“Show no
love, love can get you killed!” that quote from Get Rich Or Die Trying movie loosely based on the life of rapper,
50 cent, is the underlying and number one most taught rule amongst men in
general to an extent, but I believe more so amongst black men as kids. We’re
taught about sex before love, dealing with pain but not happiness, taught to
show aggression but never weakness. We always have to be the toughest, the most
rugged, and the most unaffected species even though life doesn’t give us any
more breaks than anyone else. That’s why we don’t go to doctors for checkups or
psychiatrist. That’s why we don’t prioritize openly love over sex. That’s why
we don’t know how to express our feelings or show humility as easy. We also are
taught from experience that the bad guy wins more often, even with the very
women swearing they want a good one, than the good guy does. How do we recover
from that? This goes back being good enough. Trying to find our identity across
the board. Everybody needs a cheerleader at some point. When you look at all
the misguided perspectives we get growing up it’s hard to ultimately survive
for a black man in America. Our women used to be and still have to be our
cheerleaders. I wrote about our black women needing similar support from us but
a coin has two sides. I know it’s not easy but love us because most of the time
we don’t know how to ask anyone to but we suffer without it. More than we ever
imagine or will admit to. Help us
because we’re not trained to ask for it. Forgive us if you see we genuinely are
trying to be better. Understand us. Understand that the when “they” see us they
might not see a man, so when you see us we need to be treated like men!
Just My
Thoughts,
Travis
Cochran
“As men we
were taught to hold it in, that’s why we don’t know how til we’re older men. If love is a place, I’m gone go again. At least now I know to go within” –Common;
Rapper
