I'm A Black Man: The Face of Adversity

“You’re totally disconnected from reality… Don’t believe in dreams… Since when did black men become kings?” –Jay Z; Rapper, Mogul

January 1, 1863…. Was the beginning. On this day, President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. Extremist look at it as what abolished slavery. Pessimists will gladly point out that it actually didn’t completely and that it was nothing more than a strategic war tactic. To me, it simply was… the beginning! It was the beginning of a marathon we still have yet to finish where black men were to start being held in equal regard as all men in America.

It freed between 3 and 4 million slaves and would be followed by the thirteenth amendment in December 1865 that freed the rest. Quick history lesson to let you know how deep these roots run. Sure, there were female slaves, and they faced immeasurable pain at the hands of the slave trade, but no oppression domestically measures up to that of the black man.

Fast forward to 2014, a lot has changed but a lot has stayed the same also.  For over 300 years if you were a black man in America you metaphorically bore the mark of the beast. We have always been looked at as unruly, uneducated, and underwhelming villains. The problem is, in yester-century and the one before that, that opinion was only shared amongst our Caucasian counterparts, now the disdain slaps us in the face, at home. Not close to home, AT home! Today, our black women perpetuate that same sentiment. Far be it for me to speak for every black man, but for me it hurts. I asked a group of my well educated, established, and travelled black male friends a question. “What do you think the single greatest struggle of a black man in his life?”. While they all gave different perspectives and examples in essence they all agreed that it’s finding his identity. Being good enough. Most of us, myself included, struggle or have struggled with being good enough for ourselves, our society, and lastly and most discreetly… our women. It’s a psychological warfare that we try quietly coping with daily. Quietly because no woman wants a “Complaining ass weak ass man”. In the midst of “reality” tv that paints all black men as lying, cheating, deadbeat fathers and a social networking phenomenon that make it far too easy to peek into the windows of a bad relationship… who loves us?? In a country where black young men can be shot down by citizens and police officers and those murderers be exonerated because our very skin is threatening, who’s defending us?

“Show no love, love can get you killed!” that quote from Get Rich Or Die Trying movie loosely based on the life of rapper, 50 cent, is the underlying and number one most taught rule amongst men in general to an extent, but I believe more so amongst black men as kids. We’re taught about sex before love, dealing with pain but not happiness, taught to show aggression but never weakness. We always have to be the toughest, the most rugged, and the most unaffected species even though life doesn’t give us any more breaks than anyone else. That’s why we don’t go to doctors for checkups or psychiatrist. That’s why we don’t prioritize openly love over sex. That’s why we don’t know how to express our feelings or show humility as easy. We also are taught from experience that the bad guy wins more often, even with the very women swearing they want a good one, than the good guy does. How do we recover from that? This goes back being good enough. Trying to find our identity across the board. Everybody needs a cheerleader at some point. When you look at all the misguided perspectives we get growing up it’s hard to ultimately survive for a black man in America. Our women used to be and still have to be our cheerleaders. I wrote about our black women needing similar support from us but a coin has two sides. I know it’s not easy but love us because most of the time we don’t know how to ask anyone to but we suffer without it. More than we ever imagine or will admit to.  Help us because we’re not trained to ask for it. Forgive us if you see we genuinely are trying to be better. Understand us. Understand that the when “they” see us they might not see a man, so when you see us we need to be treated like men!

Just My Thoughts,

Travis Cochran

“As men we were taught to hold it in, that’s why we don’t know how til we’re older men. If love is a place, I’m gone go again. At least now I know to go within” –Common; Rapper