Are You Pretty Enough?

“I see so many looking for validity, that’s the wrong search if what’s lost is dignity” – Joe Budden; rapper

How many likes did your last IG picture have? How many selfies did you take to get that perfect one? What woman did you see with your hairstyle before you got it? What does your ex boyfriend new girl look like? Are you pretty enough? Are you sexy enough? Do you ask yourself these questions too much? More than likely you do!

This week the hot topic has been the Kim Kardashian naked pictures for Paper magazine… of course everybody has an opinion. The two most disappointing things about it is that she showed that this is a generation of controlled minds because she hashtagged #BreakTheInternet when she uploaded the pictures and the internet proceeded to discuss them nonstop for 48 hours like we haven’t seen her sextape and like 30 celebrity nude photos didn’t hit the internet in one week a month ago. Secondly it shows that beauty is more important than life in this generation as it will forever get more tweets than Ferguson. But the pressure is more on women than anything and no one is really focusing on how demoralizing it is to them.

I’m not a feminist or a blind man that doesn’t enjoy the female body so I’m not opposed or as judgmental when it comes to nudity, but I understand diversity. Like I feel Beyoncé and Jessica Biel are both tremendously attractive. Jennifer Aniston and Sanaa Lathan. My point is too much these days women are trying, at their detriment, to fit a mold of what all men supposedly want.  But as unrealistic is that is if you get enough tweets from males about this woman, this type of woman, or this body part of a woman… women believe they need that. It becomes programmed into their thinking. So the slim woman feels like she needs this “fat ass”. The brown skin woman feels she needs to be light skin with long hair so she perfects her make up and filter combinations. This contemporary woman feels she needs to wear short shorts or skirts and show off her legs and half of her butt. This well dressed sexy woman feels she needs to be naked sexy. The girl with the “fat ass” feels she has to be bent over in every picture or avi. All of this just creates insecurity and misdirected focus. Honestly most men like what they think other men want too so it’s a dangerous cycle. The expectations become unreachable.

You then add in the companionship façade equation. These women with the “fat asses” and no clothes on become the ones always “with” a man. Always taking the exotic trips. Always getting their bills paid. Getting all the retweets and followers. Always getting the husband, kids, divorces, and loads of child support because of the façade of what is an attractive woman they created. All because of how she looked and how much of those looks she nurtured and exposed, in essence, is why men wanted her so bad. To a woman who has been trying to find herself, and find love, and has little guidance from a good father or father figure, this is what she sees. She doesn’t focus on the fact that these females are losing as many men as they are getting because they only see that they are getting opportunity after opportunity to stand next to a man while she being regular and not being naked up and down social media can’t garner that same attention.

I see all of this and I sympathize with it. I also realize how unattractive to me a woman that thinks just being typical attractive is. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” of course but beauty to me is more than looks. I wish more females realized that men out there that feel this way are the ones that really want the woman over the trophy. A woman can be sexier to me in hospital scrubs and glasses than in a club outfit because not only is her body in tact, her mind is also. Her focus is. Her ambition is. Her comfort with herself appears to be in tact. That’s attractive to me. Can you hold a conversation? Can you educate me on things? Can you still interest me after sex? Does your life revolve around gossip? Can you properly take care of home? Do you prioritize family over “fun”? Do you work hard? These questions normally go unanswered today because they go unasked, all that seems to matter, and at a growing rate, is are you pretty enough? Do you dress sexy enough? Is your ass fat enough? Media pushes it, social media adapts to it, women sacrifice far too much for it! Kim Kardashian has been married three times with that same body. Halle Berry has been married multiple times with the same body and face. Beyonce’s high school sweetheart dumped her. The regular lady, my grandma who is beautiful inside and out, has been married over 30 years. It’s more than what meets the eye and no one rule for beauty will always apply.

I would teach my daughter that your beauty isn’t based off of if everybody wants you or if your body is made for a magazine, your beauty is based on your heart, your intelligence, and your confidence. Your body is a work of art but the most revered art pieces are the ones that most people can't get. Be comfortable with knowing you're beautiful so you don't have show off your nakedness for validation. I’m not oblivious to the fact that every one wants to be physically attractive but don’t let that be your calling card or your downfall because every attractive woman with nothing else but a man will eventually be an attractive woman with nothing else. Don’t worry about being pretty enough for every man, be woman enough to attract the right man, a good man, and to keep your identity when you’re with that man.

Just My Thoughts           

Can We Do Better?

“You’re totally disconnected from reality, don’t believe in dreams… Since when did black men become kings?” -Jay-z; Rapper

Is this Martin's dream 

Every night a different crime scene

Kids killing kids

Men leaving wives

We putting money over everything!

Is this what Malcolm wanted? 

When he said we could reach greater heights... Did he mean blunted? 

By any means necessary 

But we don't do what's necessary 

We only pro black when a white man kills one of us... & in February 

Is this the best we can do

Positive blacks are few 

Think about it

Oscar Grant or Trayvon Martin

Could've been you 

Oprah too

What do you aspire to be? 

They gave us guns and drugs 30yrs ago 

We still on a killing spree

Am I real enough? 

Do I care too much?

I mean shouldn't more cross my mind

Than my last fuck.... & my last buck

Or the next of each 

Fuck giving a speech 

But I have a dream to make it better for my son

I can't control the world 

But for him, it starts with me

Is this the change Barack promised

Gas prices been high the last 6 summers 

My pops job still temporary

This economy took his pride from him 

Sometimes I wanna cry for him 

Wake up everyday with drive for him 

Thankful everyday that I can provide for him 

Lord knows I would die for him 

Rosa Parks sat down to take a stand 

Not so black girls can fight over men 

Or for attention, social mentions 

Baby girl it's more to life than that bottle 

You know your daughter gone finish what you started? 

Good or bad, better or worse 

Don't let your beauty be a curse 

Don't leave you drive in a hearse

If you know better will you do better

I just got to believe 

Despite how much you like what's between your knees pleased 

You should want to really succeed  

In the end we can blame politics 

But in reality we allow the shit

I don't know what's killing us quicker

Reality tv or gun clips

Maybe I'm overthinking

Maybe I'm channeling Lincoln 

Cuz I hate to see us still slaves 

Cuz we let them beat us 

Just my thoughts...

I'm A Black Man: The Face of Adversity

“You’re totally disconnected from reality… Don’t believe in dreams… Since when did black men become kings?” –Jay Z; Rapper, Mogul

January 1, 1863…. Was the beginning. On this day, President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. Extremist look at it as what abolished slavery. Pessimists will gladly point out that it actually didn’t completely and that it was nothing more than a strategic war tactic. To me, it simply was… the beginning! It was the beginning of a marathon we still have yet to finish where black men were to start being held in equal regard as all men in America.

It freed between 3 and 4 million slaves and would be followed by the thirteenth amendment in December 1865 that freed the rest. Quick history lesson to let you know how deep these roots run. Sure, there were female slaves, and they faced immeasurable pain at the hands of the slave trade, but no oppression domestically measures up to that of the black man.

Fast forward to 2014, a lot has changed but a lot has stayed the same also.  For over 300 years if you were a black man in America you metaphorically bore the mark of the beast. We have always been looked at as unruly, uneducated, and underwhelming villains. The problem is, in yester-century and the one before that, that opinion was only shared amongst our Caucasian counterparts, now the disdain slaps us in the face, at home. Not close to home, AT home! Today, our black women perpetuate that same sentiment. Far be it for me to speak for every black man, but for me it hurts. I asked a group of my well educated, established, and travelled black male friends a question. “What do you think the single greatest struggle of a black man in his life?”. While they all gave different perspectives and examples in essence they all agreed that it’s finding his identity. Being good enough. Most of us, myself included, struggle or have struggled with being good enough for ourselves, our society, and lastly and most discreetly… our women. It’s a psychological warfare that we try quietly coping with daily. Quietly because no woman wants a “Complaining ass weak ass man”. In the midst of “reality” tv that paints all black men as lying, cheating, deadbeat fathers and a social networking phenomenon that make it far too easy to peek into the windows of a bad relationship… who loves us?? In a country where black young men can be shot down by citizens and police officers and those murderers be exonerated because our very skin is threatening, who’s defending us?

“Show no love, love can get you killed!” that quote from Get Rich Or Die Trying movie loosely based on the life of rapper, 50 cent, is the underlying and number one most taught rule amongst men in general to an extent, but I believe more so amongst black men as kids. We’re taught about sex before love, dealing with pain but not happiness, taught to show aggression but never weakness. We always have to be the toughest, the most rugged, and the most unaffected species even though life doesn’t give us any more breaks than anyone else. That’s why we don’t go to doctors for checkups or psychiatrist. That’s why we don’t prioritize openly love over sex. That’s why we don’t know how to express our feelings or show humility as easy. We also are taught from experience that the bad guy wins more often, even with the very women swearing they want a good one, than the good guy does. How do we recover from that? This goes back being good enough. Trying to find our identity across the board. Everybody needs a cheerleader at some point. When you look at all the misguided perspectives we get growing up it’s hard to ultimately survive for a black man in America. Our women used to be and still have to be our cheerleaders. I wrote about our black women needing similar support from us but a coin has two sides. I know it’s not easy but love us because most of the time we don’t know how to ask anyone to but we suffer without it. More than we ever imagine or will admit to.  Help us because we’re not trained to ask for it. Forgive us if you see we genuinely are trying to be better. Understand us. Understand that the when “they” see us they might not see a man, so when you see us we need to be treated like men!

Just My Thoughts,

Travis Cochran

“As men we were taught to hold it in, that’s why we don’t know how til we’re older men. If love is a place, I’m gone go again. At least now I know to go within” –Common; Rapper

9/11

Today marks the 13th anniversary of the September 11th attack on The World Trade Center and the United States. I remember waking up headed to my first class in college and seeing the news in disbelief. When I finally made it to class everybody was just sitting there and I don't think anybody really understood the magnitude of it all. Once they let us leave class I was glued to the TV along with the rest of the world. Thirteen years later I still find myself glued to the TV when the replays are shown. I went to New York City a few times and I went to a makeshift morgue and to just be there was so powerful because I could feel life and death there. So many people lost their lives and lost loved ones it's just crazy. We've come so far and done so much since then so today we should all reflect and be thankful for how we've grown in 13 years and show respect for the people that never got the chance to. 

Little Gem from Carrma

Okay so there's this theory that I've been thinking about. People are going to mess up and disappoint you and hurt you. It's really inevitable to be honest. Even if they try as hard as they can, they'll probably still unintentionally do something to upset you. It's in human nature. Because none of us are perfect or even close to it. Thats why forgiveness is such a major theme in Christianity. I think that relationships with people aren't about who is going to treat you right or who isn't, it's about learning. Because when people hurt you, there's always a lesson behind it. And I think that the more forgiveness that you're willing to give the easier it is to get through life. It's harder for things to hurt you when you're forgiving. And people have made it seem like a weakness when really, accepting the bad and still loving someone is a really strong thing to do. Forgiveness is saying "you messed up and you hurt me, but I'm still here for you." Forgiveness allows people to grow and see the error of their ways and possibly make better choices. 😄

http://Carrmaisanobody.wordpress.com

Power

It's a few things in life I've realized. One of the latest is that most people don't realize the power they have within themselves. What I mean by that is we always limit ourselves to what we think we are or can become. The main source of the limitation is fear, mainly fear of failure. I admit I've let that fear control me for a while but I've decided that fear is easily the most ridiculous reason to not go after what you want out of life. Failure is just a step in the process that we have to go through in order to reach the heights we dream of. Failure could be large or small but it's definitely not powerful. We don't realize how much power we actually have and I think it's because we're scared of it. As crazy as it seems we often push away great things in front of us and take the easy way out. Belief in the power that you have will lead you to the road less traveled and ultimately to the rewards of achieving your goals. Embrace the power you possess and make it happen! 

To Save.... Or Nah

"It's just money, you can't take it with you!" - People everywhere 

First off let me say I hate the phrase "or nah" but I felt it was appropriate here. How many of you feel this way? I know a few people who live by this. Are they expecting to die soon, do they have a Scrooge McDuck money vault to backstroke in, or simply think you might not need money tomorrow if they were blessed enough to wake up? I get that you can't take it with you but what about while you're here? Yeah I know I know that stripper really had you thinking you could take her home if you just blew $200 more on her. And I know that new whip or that condo downtown gonna get you some Instagram likes. And I know you wanna wait in line for them Jordan's to look just like the other 100 dudes that's about to walk out of Finish Line too. I wanna do that too... Well maybe not the stripper I mean I'll blow some money but not nearly enough for some action. Saving money is hard especially when you don't make 50k or better. I tried to save making 31k before taxes and the only thing I saved was about $20-30 in change! After I while I just said f--k it ima spend it and worry about it later. Even the 401k which is made for saving for retirement is a joke because more than likely you're gonna need it way before you can retire. You spent hours at work taking shit from your boss might as well take that 2% they matched out and blow it when you quit right? That's what I did... Twice! Should I have been more responsible and saved? Yes. Was I thinking that at the time? Absolutely not! I need to do a better job at saving even if I don't make six figures a year. Until then my dilemma every single morning will be do I take these sandwiches to work or hit Steak 'n Shake... It's only $3.99!